Day 23
In this blog i want to write about my fears ,concerning my health.
Today I did not went to work ,because I find myself be so week and sick……but this is only the continuation ,what i experience with my health. I have a lots of fears and anger about my health.
I never was a healthy child ,always was sick ….this situation made me to be angry sometimes ,because i did not understood why ?…why do i have to be the one who is sick in bed ,while other children play outside  .After a while I just get used to this that I am week ,different , and this is my reality ,but I guess only part of me accept this other part was angry and want to fight for my health.
I just wish that one day I will be healthy.
For so many years I went to regular doctors and they  could  not find anything  ,so I lost believe in regular doctors and medicine.I found different doctor ,who only  use herbs and acupuncture ,and it was better for a while ….,but not great .So then I fund homeopathic  doctor ,I am with her for about a year now ,and yes ,sometimes is better ,sometimes so,so …..but I really lose my patience with all the treatments ….were nothing real works….
I am now at the point that I will take this in my hands (want to do cleansing by dr. Clark and stay on juicing  ….)
But listening eqafe interview I know that we create a construct ,mind conscience  system ,which is so intertwine with our physicality , so really  You have to work on the mind construct system together with physicality .
I feel hopeless  and depressed  ,because I have no clue what is happening with my health (..I do not want to go to details here..)
With this introduction I want to take points of self responsibility :
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be angry at my body,because is getting sick ,not seeing that this is the  way my body communicate with me  that something is wrong and needs farther  investigation.

2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to feel sorry for me ,because I am sick ,to wish that someone will help me ,with my situation.

3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not see this from my body perspective ,because for many years, 9 years I was in very difficult job ,job with the stress and because of this I did get worn out  ,and now this is a consequence I experience now ,and instead of anger toward my body I should me more gentile  and caring towards my body.

4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be  angry at doctor and homeopathic  doctor ,because I spend so  much money on the treatments and I don't have results.

5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed be angry on this reality for disease to exist .

6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to play victim mentality ,because I am week and sick ,for looking for help from outside of me ,to not wanted take responsibility on what happened to my health ,to separate me from disease , instead looking that I am whole and this is no separation from Me and disease .

7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to had this personality of pleasing everybody and with in this totally dismiss me and my body.
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to always give up on me and my body ,that i can never achieve full potential of my health ,just accepting that this is my fate and that is what it is.

9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be at fear about my health constantly ,to not realizing that because of this I add even more stress to my body.

10.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to always expecting the worst about my health ,to not seeing the point of not return ,to see that this is done and the only thing i  can do is accept ,and yes i  need accept from the starting point ,but then push forward .
11.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to accept the job,which is really making big strain on my body ,to not seeing this from a perspective of common sense .

12.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be angry at people in my job ,to be angry at them that they expect  so much for very little salary ,to not seeing this from perspective that I could say No and to not take this job.

13.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not be self honest with me .

14.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not have enough patience with me and my body,to expect  results now ,not considering that it took me my whole life to be in  health situation ,what i have now.

15.I commit myself to start cleansing process of my body.
16.I commit myself to stop the judgment  on my health and body ,to see that this is a process .

17.I commit myself to breathe ,to bring my mind to the physical a moment I see the thoughts of fear of my health .

18.I commit myself to not stoping to find out  more about my health ,to find  different solution if the one I have now don't bring the effect.

19.I commit myself to be more appreciate  towards my body ,to listen my body ,to listen ,but not from the point of judgment.

20.I commit myself to stay fit ,to again start my yoga practice ,to support my body.

thank you for reading!!